Lesbian Dad

Flights of fancy

Dispatch from BlogHer/Chicago 09 #1: Just a quick note to be filed in the “I don’t get out often enough” file: some tidbits from the SkyMall magazine. No tidbits yet regarding the conference because Evening 1 all I did was eat some wonderful free food, sip some wonderful free wine, hug many people excitedly, come up to my room, and then get only partially requited with the internet before crashing.

One thousand bloggers in the same hotel may be a wee strain on the system. Credit to the crack BlogHer events planning tech crew and the Sheraton, who has been feverishly installing/upgrading/what have you. I understand there may be a bellhop or two whose job this weekend is to lean precariously out a window holding a satelite dish in juuuuust the right position.

Now on to the quick note, before I rejoin the happy fray. There will be the jet-setters among you who are out and about all the time, and are utterly dulled to the jaw dropping wonder of the SkyMall magazine. But by my calculations, it has been just over two years that I took a plane somewhere. So I was utterly unprepared for the garden sculptures section of the magazine, which featured, yes,  a GARDEN SASQUATCH.

You might say to yourself, “What is Bigfoot doing in the garden?” But the SkyMall magazine has no real answer to that question. What it does do is provide the following description of the product, which is called “Bigfoot, the Garden Yeti”:


True actual pages from SkyMall.com

With his characteristicaly big feet, our more than two-foot tall Garden Yeti will have guests doing a double-take as they admire your creative home or garden style! With alleged sightings the world over, from the highest Himalayas to the United States, this elusive, mythical legend has been captured exclusively for [name of poor besotted company withheld for its own good] in quality designer resin and hand painted for startling realism.



Above Sasquatch were a trio of meercats (yup). After I had fixed my jaw back in place, I turned the page to find “The Zombie of Montclaire Moors.”  Yes I did.


True actual pages from SkyMall.com Not for the faint of heart, this [name of company withheld for its own good]-exclusive, life-size (sic), gray-toned zombie will claw his way out of your garden plot, office, or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the eeriest undead eyes you’ve ever sen.  Captured in meticlulous detail in quality designer resin and finished so realistically that you’ll swear you can hear him breathing! (Arrives in 3 pieces)

Looks disturbingly like John Malkovitch.

Now to the happy fray. If you’re here, track me down and I’ll hug you with the zest of 10 Leo Buscaglias! And if we imbibe too much at the evening parties, we can always use this SkyMall hangover remedy.

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