Valentine’s Day train ride, Berkeley, CA.
Way back when the beloved and I had our commitment ceremony, circa 1997, we made a point to celebrate all kinds of love. Familial, platonic, romantic; all of it. Â We did that partly because we were uncomfortable about having drawn people from far and wide to pay attention only to us-us-us. But we also wanted to thank those we gathered around us for equipping us with the capacity to love one another so well. Â Any celebration of a union is implicitly a celebration of all that makes it possible. Every time we love and are loved well, we learn more about it, and are empowered to do it better with others.
So Valentine’s Day mit kids ropes us all in. A hike in the hills, a picnic, a spell-binding train ride. Yummy Chinese food for dinner.  Okay, so only some of us had champagne with our dinner.  And only some of us had the salted chocolate caramels in front of a movie after the kids were in bed.  But hey. Any good train needs a caboose for the staff to chillax in.
[Here are the O’Jays, on whose “Love Train” no wee photo caption could ever improve.]
Sarah Buttenweiser is a blogger local to me (http://www.valleyadvocate.com/blogs/home.cfm?aid=11366) who writes a lot about open adoption. She’s coined the mantra “more love is more love” as the open adoption theme song.
I’ve come to love this mantra: “More love is more love.” It comes to me a lot when I’m thinking of my own lesbian family and my wider community. This line of yours made me think of it: “Every time we love and are loved well, we learn more about it, and are empowered to do it better with others.”
Happy Valentine’s.
And Happy Valentine’s on back to you. Thank you for sharing Sarah Buttenweiser’s theme song. Though I don’t know open adoption, I do totally connect to that mantra through my initial worries about (personally) known donor insemination. A friend who had already become a parent through known donor insemination (an extended family member) said nearly those self-same words. More love is more love. Once a kid arrives into your life, you basically want everyone on the planet to love them, and love them well. The worries rooted in possessiveness melt away. Leastwise that’s how it has gone for us, and wow am I grateful. I know stuff can be complicated. But sometimes it can be simple, too.
This is so interesting to me, LD. I often think of the “more love is more love” mantra wistfully about my choice to use an unknown (though identity release) donor. I was just too scared to do otherwise. But I wonder if my girl has peeps out there somewhere who would, could love her if they only knew.
I wrote about it a while back, but I probably have a lot more to say on the topic: http://www.mindbodymama.com/2009/12/mind-body-mama-half-adopted.html
BTW: I LOVE that you are writing more now. I started lurking during your pre-holiday photo phase and that was pretty charming too, but your writing is just wonderful.
Ah, mindbodymama. Don’t we all do the best we can do with what we can when we can? If I thought otherwise I’d go bonkers. And who’s to say your girl will find peeps — maybe even those peeps? — who will? When and how they can? Who knows. But it’s just as nice to think so as to think not.
You are very kind about the writing: thank you. I wish’t I always had the combination of time (off childcare and off the income-earning clock) and spirit to do it all justice. Sometimes one or another (or in hard times, all three) slip out of reach. I’ve been trying to muscle my way back a bit. The re-emergence of spring (at least here in the Bay Area, where the cherry blossom trees are already ablaze) helps.
I agree – we are only capable of feeling the love that we able to give, so it’s a great reason to try and be as loving as possible. Kids bring it out for sure.
I hope you come and visit our new non tradtional family lifestyle site called goodkin (www.WeAreGoodkin.come). Love to have your voice on there!
This is a great story on the site about a two-daddy family.
Thanks for writing!
http://wearegoodkin.com/article/everyone-has-mother