Gertrude Stein speaks! Through my two-year-old child!

G. Stein, by P. Picasso (1906)

Monolog from the Lil’ Monkey, first thing in the morning, on her second birthday last week:

People like to kiss. Not hurt anymore.

Can you walk with me?

Look at those toes! Is that your underwear? I’ll fix your underwear. I’m just button yourself. I just button you.

Baba, where are Maxi’s biscuits?

These are little ones. Those are big ones and little ones.

I say ‘Here, Mackie!’

Baba, can you get more? More biscuits? ‘Cause Maxi eat it all up. I say ‘Eat-a the rest!’ Maxi crunchie her biscuit. Soon Maxi finish her biscuit then she get anudder one. Can me have another one for Mackie? I don’t have too much in her mouth.

Oh uppie! Eat it all uppie! Mackie! Right? It’s funny.

Right? Right?

I need-a write sompin for you inna pen. I need-a spell you.

I’m making a dinasaur.

Everybody is brown. [Lil’ monkey’s name] is brown, you is brown.

[Further reading: Gertrude Stein’s prose style, or single-origin evolutionary hypothesis, since I’m sure that’s what Lil’ M. was referring to at the end there. In a quirky, slightly masochistic mood? Try making it through this interview with the master herself, courtesy Prof. Al Filreis at UPenn.]

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