On the hotline with Crawford, TX


–ring! ring!–

Lil’ Monkey: Hel-lo?

GW Bush: Yes–hello? Monkey? This is President Bush. I need your help.

LM: Help!

GWB: Okay, so. My advisors tell me things are going to H-E-Double Toothpicks in the Middle East, and they need me to step up to the plate a bit more. So my question to you is…

LM: Tooth-picks!

GWB: My question is: just what, exactly, consititues the Middle East? I mean, does it start as high as Maryland and go down to South Carolina?

LM: Carolina!

GWB: And while we’re at it, how far does it go to the left–er, I mean, west? Like, does Kentucky count as the Middle East? I just want to know.

LM: East!

GWB: Hmm. [sound of scribbling in the background] Check. Hey, kid. I have another question. Dick’s still out peeing so I have another minute.

LM: Minute!

GWB: Okay. So. My advisors say I need a position on interest rates. Like, should I raise or lower them? I figure it’s better to have more people interested than not, right? So I should raise them, right?

LM: Right!

GWB: Great. This is really helpful. One last question. This one’s on education. They keep insisting I have a policy, but I forget what I called it. It has something to do with the Rapture? Or something?

LM: Left Behind!

GWB: Yeah! That sure rings a bell! Ooops! Gotta go. Dickie’s back. Thanks Lil’ Monkey, you saved my–

LM: Ass!


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